(no subject)
1 April 2019 09:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
a_small_dragonWELL i have been sick the past couple days and am slowly returning to health. i am trying to be confident about things such as my creative writing work (which is going! steadily! as planned!), getting through my classes (going haltingly, as expected), the advent of summer, the encroachment of Not Being In School At All. it is very helpful to know people who are a bit older than me and see what kinds of things they are thinking about, that makes me feel a little less stupid and fumbling.
also i went and visited bee in chicago and that was great obviousbly. im excited to be able to visit them more hopefully when they are enrolled and i dont have to do hotel stuff.
it is still hard not to feel pointless about doing anything that furthers my life but there's no point in doing nothing, either. i cant plan on teleporting to c*** or moving to canada (god, my SAD is bad enough), i have to try to do things here. and help people here, when i can. which does not depend on me individually, and my need to complete my plans and figure stuff out will not further the end of the world significantly more than not doing that. because if i dont do that i wont have the mind to do anything. this is a logical train of thought but a difficult one for me to have.
also i went and visited bee in chicago and that was great obviousbly. im excited to be able to visit them more hopefully when they are enrolled and i dont have to do hotel stuff.
it is still hard not to feel pointless about doing anything that furthers my life but there's no point in doing nothing, either. i cant plan on teleporting to c*** or moving to canada (god, my SAD is bad enough), i have to try to do things here. and help people here, when i can. which does not depend on me individually, and my need to complete my plans and figure stuff out will not further the end of the world significantly more than not doing that. because if i dont do that i wont have the mind to do anything. this is a logical train of thought but a difficult one for me to have.